We’re all at the local fun fair absolute CARNIVAL GOD lights flashing, screams everywhere and I clock this working the stall: tall, tanned, cheeky grin. Before you know it I’ve got his number and he’s texting “Can I still come round?” Of course you can, bring that bulge with you. We get back to the flat and I introduce him to our cute dark-haired angel Danny Bianchi, all polite and shy till his eyes drop to the carnival lad’s crotch, game over.